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I will be the first to tell you that I talk to myself, no poking, prodding, or corroboration needed- and when I am in my right state of mind, I invite God into the conversation. Why do I talk to myself? Some would tell you I am crazy; and I am okay with that. But, who else is going to give you on-demand expertise, intimate know how, pump you up, and have the time to do so- all at the same time? You know that you are your own best hype man (or woman); at the same time, you can also be your own worst enemy, particularly when you invite the wrong voice(s) into the space.
One of my good friends likes to tell me, "it is better to get things out than to keep them in. I don't know. I just can't help myself." And while some might say there are self-control issues and cultural nuances at play (and there might be), I'd be remiss to hurry along, discard, and resolvedly sort this notion at that. Despite my own irrational fear and chagrin at times, I admire the freeing trait to get what's on your mind out in the open. It is rewarding. At the same time, it is this same deep-seated, overinflated, and unfounded phobia in me that makes me resistant and reluctant to speak to myself. There is much more below the surface of the well. There is value in real-time processing things out loud, even if you start with yourself. You do not have to end there, but you should start there. In most cases, there is no harm or foul in talking to yourself; research has shown it can actually be healthy and helpful. I find you frequently learn more about yourself in talking to yourself. Draw out from your own depths. What's in you is in you; it's you. Why not at least examine it if not change? That being said, how awesome is it when you get the gift of a friend that trusts you enough (or you give) to process in real-time. What a privilege we forsake.
I make light of talking to myself, but I am thankful for every bit of it for it has revealed some things I would rather see as water under the bridge. This time has given me many laughs. It has brought me to apologize and confess. It has caused me to think and pray. Quarantine I feel like has forced so many of us to get to know the real us- the uncomfortable, the awkward, the funny, the ridiculous, the one whose depths have been surfacing and whose face has been starring back in the mirror across time: you. And many of us got to do it in the privacy of our own homes; that ought to make you shout- Jesus saved you from many months of embarrassment! And while reinvention can be good (many are in a rush to do this), re-engagement with self is so much sweeter...And needed. What water needs to be drawn out of you?
Recently, I pulled myself aside for some consoultations- in the car, on walks, pacing my living space. I realize I take advantage of and appreciate similar time with my brothers. How revealing and cleansing these moments have been. Sometimes, circumstances cause you to realize this: you are both your own archenemy and ally.
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