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I have been wanting to drop this one for a minute. With the holidays fast approaching, I wrote this as a testament to how well I have been cared for by my married friends (and as a reminder to myself). I love you and hope this energizes you. To my fellow singles- I hope this reminds you, as it does me, that we are not single-dimensional; we are single and multidimensional. Our lives are not incomplete, lost, a waste, or even improperly/wrongly focused. Own that. And gently steer others away from that what can be unhelpful and unwholesome thinking. Let me be clear. What follows, my list, is not aimed to be a clapback, although there is some tongue-in-cheek action (I couldn't resist).
Joking aside, I wrote this list to be a helpful encouragement that affirms and urges unity. In the same breath, I pray this list challenges, prompts, and fosters untapped dialogue that leads to meaningful, depth-filled relationships. Singles and married people share so much in common that a ring (or lack thereof) separates and frequently overrides.
A list of assumptions to avoid about singles is below the jump. Excuse the double negatives (don't tell my high school English teacher and I won't have to either...).
Don't assume singles:
are lonely; undeniably, some of us are, but this is not even the sum of the being of those that are. Reach out to us; we would love to hear from you AND hang out with you and yours. This time does not have to be "weird;" it can be encouraging, healthy, and mutually edifying.
are selfish; many of us serve among you and have hobbies, AND think much less about ourselves than you give us credit. We are specially-made in God's image with a unique set of interests, talents, and desires like you. Ask us what we do when we are not with you.
can't cook; we can outcook some of y'all and have more time to perfect the craft. Think about it; that is why some of you have asked for our recipes?!?. But, do invite us over so we can eat with someone, dirty up some one else's dishes, and gauge the competition :).
don't have meaningful relationships; we do more than commiserate over being single with other singles. And we get plenty of prompts and reminders from those in our circles. Many of us are great conversationalists because we think deeply and independently (and have more time to process).
have something wrong with us anymore than you do (and cannot detect when you imply it); we are imperfect individuals, broken image bearers, and struggling sinners like you and know alcohol, drugs, identity, and any other given temptations do not stop with marriage.
subscribe to or mirror the opinions and perspectives you hold (or think we hold); we just don't and it's okay. We do not need to be fixed, retrained, or indoctrinated. Some of this is part of God's glorification plan- there is diversity and it is good.
want to be treated any differently from others you love that happened to be married. As with many relationships, there are boundaries. But, we want to be known, affirmed, and encouraged...like you. Don't let the box of singleness limit how you approach us.
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