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Penned by Guest Contributor Jennie Hettema
People. We can’t live with them and we certainly can’t live without them. We truly need each other as we walk through life. This is what isolation during the coronavirus has taught me. At the same time, we need more than just people physically around us. We need meaningful relationships with RSTLNE attributes. AND we need to be able to care for those around us too.
Relationships are a two-way street. We need to be aware of ourselves. Are we hiding behind the Zoom screen? The text chatter? The mask? Is everything really always “fine” or “pretty good?” We have enough of those surface level relationships. We need to purposefully let our guard down and invite individuals in - to really get to know us and to call us out when we are being real or real fake. And we need to be that person for our friends.
I recently heard this idea that we should be more like gardeners, not auto-mechanics with quick fixes. Don’t get me wrong, auto-mechanics are very helpful! Your car is having an issue. You take it to them. They identify the problem, fix it, and you go on your way until the next issue. Gardeners, though, work differently to be successful. And at a different pace altogether!
The soil is prepared for seeds or seedlings. The soil is carefully watered. The new plants are tenderly cared for. The weeds are carefully removed. Time is needed. Patience is expected. Care is called for. Are we more like gardeners or auto-mechanics for the people around us? Are we there for quick fixes or for continual, long-term care?
We should aim to be gardeners, getting dirty through time and patience, while caring for others. We must be present and attentive. Gardening requires listening and noticing, compassion and understanding. The people around us have stories. Are we actively digging in the garden to find them? Here are some questions to consider:
Are we paying attention?
Are we truly present or distracted?
Can we see the joy or the nervousness or the hurt or the disappointment or the defeat that others try to hide?
Are we doing more speaking or more listening?
Can we hear the little changes in a friend’s voice - the excitement, the calm, the unsureness, the catch of possible tears?
Are we showing compassion while listening?
Are we trying to understand without trying to necessarily fix?
Are we genuinely living life with the people around us?
Look around! Who is in your garden? Are you gardening AND allowing others to care for you? It’s time to get your hands dirty!
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