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This is the first post of the Black N Love Series, a curation of topics around the Black Community and Love during the month of February.
Blackish was my life growing up; its uncanny in a number of parallels: the working professional middle-class two parent household and spread in sibling age; the continuous, delicate balance at play in relationships at work, home, and in the family; and most starkly- the conversations (undertones, asides, and jokes included). Some of the scenes I could plug and play with real people and seasons in my life.
Growing up with two strong black parents of faith shaped me in profound realities I would not exchange on my worse days. The dynamic within the black community is rich and full, colorful, distinct, and attractive (don't just cue the appropriations). And while some argue that not enough is voiced and spoken within the Black community culturally (another topic for another time), below you will find some of the best of how we love each other and those in our community. These are some of our love languages: nickname(s), conviction, fake threats, unilateral support, and teasing.
1. Nickname(s):
Example(s): "Buster"
"John John"
"Ross Moses"
Translation: You have a unique, special, and valued identity to me. Everyone gets one. No
exceptions. Reject this and the friendship is nullified. I know what your birth certificate says
and what your parents call you, but I am renaming you _______. It may be more generic,
your first name doubled, some endearing reference to a particularly tendency or one-off
event, or even someone you look like. Embrace it. You may get multiple nicknames too: the
more specific and frequent, the better. Rejoice!
2. Conviction:
Example(s):
"So and so thinks they're _______ ('cute'/'slick'/insert your adjective of
choice)..."
"He/She/They would have you believe..."
"See, you/he/she think(s) I am _______ ('dumb, not paying attention, etcetera')"
Translation: In God I trust, but this is what I am thinking and feeling. One data point, my
opinion, is sufficient. Some may excuse this as "talking crazy" and "illegitimate theorizing,"
but this is viewpoint, me being vulnerable and raw- communicating what I feel and think right
now. Be there with me in this reality for a moment before you dig me out. Recognize my
openness to share and process with me in real-time.
3. Fake Threats:
Example(s):
"Try Me."
"See What Happens."
"You Better _______ Before I _________."
Translation: "Don't do that; I'm serious." These phrases are corrective in nature and tone.
While these phases tend to be more hyperbolic and over-the-top in nature, know I talk this
way to you because I love you and feel comfortable enough not to have to sugarcoat my
commentary.
4. Unilateral Support:
Example(s):
"I see you."
"You better do that"
"Bruh, you got this."
Translation: I see, appreciate, am behind, co-sign, and ready to back you up- 1000%. No
fill-up required. All-in-one hype man/woman, sidekick/wing(wo)man, and noisemaker is
ready to march and billboard for you.
5. Teasing:
Example(s):
"See- you doin' the most."
"Why you always..."
Repeating what you did or said for comedic effect
Translation: This is not knit picking for the sake of it; this is family identification. Sometimes, it
is even tied to your nickname. It is the making fun of ritual that gets you inducted. You
belong. You know the particularities of your clan, those that are close to you. This is guilt by
association.
These are five (5) love languages I have grown-up in and employ. While these may not be solely limited to the Black community, these are ones I am intimately familiar with. And while some may dismiss these for laughs and others see them as generic, deeper and deterministic, and even dysfunctional, I submit these are in fact unique love languages. Have you seen similar or different ones? Look for and appreciate these love languages when they show up in your life. Have a story you would like to share? Comment, tag a friend, and celebrate!
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